What we do

The tears I cried…

So, tell me….do you ever cry? If so, why? No worries, I’ll talk about my life.

I use to cry all the time. I guess you could call me a crybaby. The problem with my tears was that they were sad, hurt, and mad tears. These tears didn’t feel good, they hurt my soul. I was always hurting. I would ask myself “why am I so emotional?”, and how could I rescue myself from this.

My pain came from everyone and everything. Relationships, sad TV shows, the thought of a crazy world, my life, and all things sad. I was miserable. I allowed the external factors to affect my internal factors. I begin to get ill. The disease of no self-control. The disease of depression. The disease of sadness. The disease of fear. The disease of everything hurtful.

I use to blame my pain on others, because why couldn’t they just be better????

HAHAHAHAHAHA, later in life I laughed at that because I learned that only I could be the cause of my pain. How could I ever expect others to make me happy? Why did I wait on my outside factors to change before I worked on the inside? Why was I so ignorant? Most importantly, why didn’t I love me enough?

The tears I cried, helped me release a lot of tension on the inside, but it seemed like they would never go away. Tears why wont you leave me alone? I’ve begged to be better. They continued to come while alone in the room crying on the floor. Praying to God in the sky to rescue me from the pain.

I was trapped. Trapped in my pain. This had nothing to do with anyone else. Only me. How the heck was I suppose to rescue me from me?

The negative subconscious thought patterns replaying over and over in my mind. I wanted to take myself out. Maybe, life would be better that way? Hmmm…. nope that wouldn’t work.

I needed the cure. How could I stop these tears from falling? How could I become better? How could I become happier? How could I start to love me?

I asked HOW and life started answering.

Before you knew it, I was being guided…. swept off my feet by a source greater than me. What is this love that I’m feeling I asked myself? Who, what, when, where was this source that protected me and said everything would be okay?

Step by step was being orchestrated. It seemed like things were already planned for me. How could this be? There was something deeper going on. All the pieces of the puzzles were suddenly fitting. I had stopped trying to force them to go together and allowed them to be.

There it was… years of pain that turned into sudden wisdom. Everything I had been through made sense! My life’s plan started flashing before my eyes! Oh my….

The tears I cried was for me to learn how to survive. The tears I cried was for me to gain strength. The tears I cried was to prevent my daughters from one day having to. The tears I cried was to share them with the world.

The tears I cried have turned into the tears I currently cry of joy, happiness, peace, love, and gratitude. If I had not of cried those tears I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Today, I love myself more than you’ll ever know. I’m not afraid of death, because I know there’s beauty on the other side. I’m confident in my strengths and abilities. Most importantly, I’ve accepted my call to be the light of the world. So, the tears I cry today are because I’m so grateful I can SEE, so grateful I BELIEVE, and so grateful I LOVE ME.

~Nique

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